Day 11: Be You; Live What You Love

My Mother in Law bought me these beautiful pot holders. I really like them! She is staying the night so she can help us out tomorrow. Tomorrow is my appointment down in Ann Arbor, at U of M. I have been waiting 5 months for this appointment!! I'm really nervous, and hope I can get some things figured out. I want answers, and a second opinion. The last rheumatologist that I seen was very, very rude, and the way they so called diagnosed me was a joke. What ever it is that ails me, has been whooping my ass for a while now. I keep to myself, and have only told a few people about my problems, and have become so private. This past year was just awful. My test come back fine, but some things are off. I have been told that they can order tests, if it will make my head, happy. Yes, a Doctor actually said that to me, my Husband was there, so was my son. I went in to the ER multiple times this year, leaving with no answers. I get my medical records, and there are errors on it. They have in my records that I have had a hysterectomy, and I have not. They got my name wrong in the notes. It angered me to see this!! I feel as a patient I am not being heard. Why the F#%k would I say that I had a hysterectomy?! Plus other things I saw in my blood tests, and it stated in a few radiology reports that some things should have been followed up on......years ago!!!! I backed away from people because I feel like everyone judges me. "She isn't sick," She's just lazy,"She's just wanting attention". Far from the truth. I hold a lot of guilt because of this "illness." It is hard for me to keep up on my house, it's hard to keep up just being a Mom. My kids have heard, "Mom doesn't feel good" way to much. My photography is getting harder for me to do, and I have thought about just giving it up. I was down for 3 weeks after I photographed a wedding this past Fall. But I love it so much, and that is one of the reasons why I am pushing myself to do this 365 project this year. I judge myself, and I am the worst critic. So, I held everything in. So, if you ever wonder WTF my problem has been. Now you know. It's been a lonely, sad, frustrating, angry year. I hope, because I guess I pray wrong that this new rheumatologist is my saving grace. For the love of God, please send me some answers!!

Always, Be You!!