Day 17: Another day, another Doctor!

Another Doctor's appointment we go, but this time it was not for me. Kameron had to go have a re-check on his ankle. He rolled his ankle last week in gym class, and came home with a bruised, and swollen ankle. Took him to the walk in, and they did x-rays. Said it was a sprain. Get a call 2, days later, and they seen a chip in his foot on the x-ray, but not to worry, and to check up with his Dr, in a week. So, he looks at it today, and wants another x-ray done just to see how things are doing, and since he was still having some swelling, & a little pain in one area. Otherwise he's fine, and will get those x-rays soon.

Kyle had to get a vaccination because he is traveling to the Dominican Republic next month. He will be going over with the Rotary Club, and they will be building a community center, and some houses while there. After they leave there, they will get the chance to visit the Rainforest, and then go to the Caribbean!! He's very excited to go, and I am very proud of him to want to go. He is also looking for "donations" as he had to take a loan from a very, very generous friend. This will be such a life changing visit, and I am so proud that he will make a difference in this world. What an eye opening experience for these kids to get, and at such a young age. Will be a trip that is unforgettable. I, of course worry, but also know he isn't going to be going alone his best friend is going along, too.

And while I was at the boy's Doctor's today, I got talking to him, asking him if he could help point me in the right direction for a Dr that could do certain kind of testing that I wanting to get, and he is having this other Dr's office call me, to set up an appointment!!! I absolutely just LOVE this Doctor, and I should have went to see him, but we only seen him twice now. And at the first visit I really liked him, now, I just love him, and may want to switch to him myself for my primary. FanFREAKingTASTIC!!! And it would have been an awesome day until I fell!!

Day 16: Never Give Up!

I might end up with a bunch of digital art in my project because of the editing that I am doing. I have gotten quite a few done, but it still feels like I have a long ways to go. There are so many to go through, it's been insane!! LOL! I just need to get this wedding done!! I also am not taking on any other shoots right now until I can catch up. Plus, I could use this break to get my health back on track, it's been getting harder to hold a camera lately. I had to turn a shoot down the other day, and was upset that I had to do so, but I have to learn to say no, sometimes. I gotta focus, and have energy to do my best, and right now I can't give that. But, that's ok!! Will re-charge, and get back at it, plus this project keeps me doing photography everyday. Even if it's just a crappy photo, but never give up!!

Day 15: Stand Up!

Was busy today editing photos so I didn't really get much time to go look around for something interesting today. I love making my own art though, and so that is what I did today. I love quotes, so I use them often. Quotes, and laughter are my go to's when I need something uplifting. This quote just seemed right today. It's crazy to think that we are already 2, weeks in to January!! I am eager for Spring to get here because I have so many projects to do. I hope that we can finally get to these projects this year. I should re-phrase that, We will get these done this year!! Money does play a factor in this as well, paint is not cheap! And I have a feeling we will need a lot.

Projects to do: -Re-paint bunk bed, and utilize in Kwin's room. Top part will be a play area.
                        -Sand, and stain bench
                        -Re-paint Kwin's dresser, get knobs, and utilize in Chelsea's room.
                        -Re-paint dresser in basement, use in Kwin's room.
                        -Sand, and stain dresser that we use for Myrtles tank
                        -Cut, sand, and add legs to my curio cabinet.
                        -Wash, re-paint lockers, and move to basement.
                        -Finish "mud room"
                        -Re-paint living room, and freshen up kitchen.
                        -Re-paint bathroom, add fan, put tile up, and re-vamp decor

I'm sure more will be added to this list because we still want to re-do the living room, and the kids rooms as well.

Day 14: Thanks-You!

I just want to say, Thank-You to everyone who has been thinking of me these past few days. Your kind words, and messages were uplifting, and I really needed that. I have been feeling down a lot lately, but these past few days have given me hope, and I know, I have people to lean on. Gives me some peace to know I won't be a burden when something is burdening me. I appreciate everyone of you who reached out. I really do, all my love to you. <3

Day 13: Oh my word.....of the day!

I have a word of the day as my screen saver on my computer. Today's words that I saw fitting. LOL Grueling; extremely tiring and demanding. And, Enervate; cause (someone) to feel drained or virtually; weaken. Just had to chuckle at the since I just got diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. hahaha! Ever since we left Ann Arbor, I have been cracking jokes, mainly to my Husband who understands that humor is my way through this. I mean after all, laughter is the best medicine!

Oh my word....of the day!

Day 12: Looking For Answers

Today is the day we travelled down to U of M for my long awaited appointment. I will start off with saying, I am not meant to live in a big city! Oh, the traffic!! I wasn't driving, and I was stressing out! Frank liked it down there, he said he could get use to the traffic, mainly because there was no snow, and it was 11 degrees warmer. We saw 3, cars in the ditch in a 3 mile stretch! 2, were rolled!! Crazy drivers down there! LOL!! We got honked at like 3, times.....oops! hahaha! Ann Arbor is such a beautiful town, and if I wasn't so stressed out looking for the place, I would have gotten some photos. Maybe next time?!

My Doctor was wonderful!! She made me feel respected, and listened to what I said, and didn't think what I said was non sense. And she even uses google, too! It was nice because it was only Me, Frank, and the Doctor in the room compared to last time where there was 5-6 people in the room. We went over paper work, and discussed my symptoms, and what tests I have had done. She did the normal rheumatologist checks, and also did a Schirmer's test to check my eyes, and ordered a bunch of blood tests, and X-rays, and this time of my hands & knees! She also is putting in a request to see a GI Doctor, and will most likely need a colonoscopy done. It's a test I dread, but I'm sure it will help figure out what is really wrong with my gut. I have had belly issues for years, and always put the blame of having no gallbladder. She diagnosed me with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and Polyarthalgia, she did say that stress could be contributing as well. I also have very dry eyes, and am hyper mobile.

I still have questions but those may be able to get answered by the GI Doctor. I asked her about POTS syndrome since I get dizzy a lot, especially when standing, or am in the shower, or if I move my head wrong at times. I also have a hard time breathing sometimes like in the shower, of I get exerted fast. She said that I could have a tilt table test done, but she couldn't perform that test, I would have to go to another Doctor. And just said if I did have it, there isn't much you can do for it. I also asked about EDS, Ehlos Danlos Syndrome, which is a connective tissue disease. I asked because I had a lot of the symptoms, exempt one and that was the hyper mobility. I also asked because my son has symptoms of this as well. My son & daughter had to get an EKG done this past Summer, and now I am going to be looking more in to this.....even if it's just to make my head happy.

Sometimes you need to create your own luck.

Day 11: Be You; Live What You Love

My Mother in Law bought me these beautiful pot holders. I really like them! She is staying the night so she can help us out tomorrow. Tomorrow is my appointment down in Ann Arbor, at U of M. I have been waiting 5 months for this appointment!! I'm really nervous, and hope I can get some things figured out. I want answers, and a second opinion. The last rheumatologist that I seen was very, very rude, and the way they so called diagnosed me was a joke. What ever it is that ails me, has been whooping my ass for a while now. I keep to myself, and have only told a few people about my problems, and have become so private. This past year was just awful. My test come back fine, but some things are off. I have been told that they can order tests, if it will make my head, happy. Yes, a Doctor actually said that to me, my Husband was there, so was my son. I went in to the ER multiple times this year, leaving with no answers. I get my medical records, and there are errors on it. They have in my records that I have had a hysterectomy, and I have not. They got my name wrong in the notes. It angered me to see this!! I feel as a patient I am not being heard. Why the F#%k would I say that I had a hysterectomy?! Plus other things I saw in my blood tests, and it stated in a few radiology reports that some things should have been followed up on......years ago!!!! I backed away from people because I feel like everyone judges me. "She isn't sick," She's just lazy,"She's just wanting attention". Far from the truth. I hold a lot of guilt because of this "illness." It is hard for me to keep up on my house, it's hard to keep up just being a Mom. My kids have heard, "Mom doesn't feel good" way to much. My photography is getting harder for me to do, and I have thought about just giving it up. I was down for 3 weeks after I photographed a wedding this past Fall. But I love it so much, and that is one of the reasons why I am pushing myself to do this 365 project this year. I judge myself, and I am the worst critic. So, I held everything in. So, if you ever wonder WTF my problem has been. Now you know. It's been a lonely, sad, frustrating, angry year. I hope, because I guess I pray wrong that this new rheumatologist is my saving grace. For the love of God, please send me some answers!!

Always, Be You!!

Day 10: This Little Piggy...

I babysat today, so I got to hang with my little buddy. :) Crazy to think I have been watching him for almost 1 year! He was so tiny, and now he's starting to walk. It's so damn cute to watch him walk. His Mom says he looks like Frankenstein when he walks, I said he looked like a Zombie. LOL It's the cutest!

Day 9: A Broken Angel Sings

I was so sad to see that the cats knocked down my angel, and broke her. She has made her appearance in my 365 project 3, times now. Keagan had offered to glue the face back together, not sure if it can be? Worth a try since I love her so much. I heard some clinking inside, and some glass pieces fell from the bottom of a hole. I look inside, and see a heart!! I was not expecting to see a heart. My heart was joyful, that this angel was able to send me one more sign of love, even when she was broken. I knew I just had to keep her & try to mend her. I don't know why I feel so drawn to her? She is special after all. She was Grandma Betty's at one time, and when going through her things I took her home with me. She otherwise would have been put in a box, and sent to Goodwill. There was a time shortly after we moved in to our home, and Grandma Betty had already passed. We would get this whiff of Grandma Betty's perfume, and thought it was just from the items we had in our home, that were hers. But the smell would come & go, even years later. We haven't smelled it in years, now. But this angel would catch my eye, and in 2010 she had this beautiful, heavenly glow around her. In 2015, she sat on a window, and I caught a heart in a shadow from her wings. And now, she sits, a broken angel sings. 

Day 8: One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready

Well, it's one for the money, Two for the show, Three to get ready, Now go, cat, go! But don't you step on my blue suede shoes. You can do what you want, but stay off of my blue suede shoes. Frank, & I enjoyed some Elvis today as we cleaned the house. I also babysat today, so we had an eventful day. Kids are back to school this week, for the whole week....if it doesn't snow anymore. It's bitter cold out though. Got lots of things on my mind, and will all week. I need to get my paperwork in order, and everything ready to go. I hope the weather is decent for traveling because I don't need anymore anxiety for that day. So, the title of this post is perfect for this week!

Elvis

Day 7: Sparkle!

Just a glitter kind of day. :) I also spotted another heart!! Can you see it?! I actually saw, two. Got some organizing done around the house today. I hope it can stay that way. This summer another HUGE yard sale is going to happen, and this time I am getting rid of a ton of things. Usually it's just clothes, and toys, and whatnots. But I am purging everywhere, and everything. Have lots of projects to do this Spring, and I hope that we can do them all, and have things done by the end of Summer. But we will see.

Sparkle!

Day 6: Just.....

Today is a just f#%k it day. The end.

Day 5: Elsa was here

Brrr!!! It's cold outside!!! Kids had another snow day today. Is it really even worth going 1, day this week? A Friday at that! LOL!! I swear we never got lucky like that. Although we had 2 hour delays, and they took that shit away. I spent the day editing photos. I am so behind with my wedding shoot, and it makes me feel terrible!

December was a busy month, and this editing stuff isn't to kind on my body. But I gotta get it done!! I was asked to do a newborn shoot soon. Baby isn't here yet, but I still feel anxiety about taking that one on because I haven't got this one done yet. Plus, I really wasn't going to do anymore photo shoot this Winter, but it's kinda a tradition now that I do these photos. I have done photos of this couples wedding, a gender reveal for their first daughter, and also did her newborn, and 1st year photos, and a family shoot as well. Plus, it's my neighbor's daughter and she's the sweetest. Bad timing I guess?! I was thinking of just giving up on photography all together just because its becoming difficult for me to do anymore, and that kills me. I hurt so bad after, and shake so bad during. And then comes the editing. It really bites you're ass when you get to a spot you want to be with you're photography, and then something like this "invisible illness" comes about. I cry a lot about that. :( So, maybe this shoot will be uplifting? After all babies do make me happy!! <3

Day 4: Snow Day!

Kid's Christmas break was suppose to be over, and they were suppose to go back to school today, but nature had other plans. We got hit with snow, icy roads, and white out conditions, so no school! It's not looking like they will have it tomorrow either. This storm is suppose to run through until this weekend. UGH!! I'm over the cold already. Day 4, and what do I see? More hearts!! I hope this is a sign of a good year.

Day 3: Memories

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. My memory box caught my eye today, and so did my cameras. I am working on a collection of vintage cameras, and so far I have, 2. A Bell & Howell Zoomatic. I believe that one is the type of camera that captured Kennedy's assassination. I guess it is still in working condition, but you need the reels to go with it, and those are hard, and pricey to find. The other is a Canon, not sure of the history on that one since I haven't researched that one yet. I found this one at vintage shop in town while doing some Christmas shopping. $5.00!! Don't know if it works, or anything, but they make the perfect decor. I can't wait to get a spot of my own somewhere in this house, because these are going up on a shelf.

Here's a photo of the Bell & Howell

Day 2: Blessed are the hearts that can bend: They shall never be broken.

The New Year has shown me lots of love! Yesterday's photo I spotted some hearts in my photo of snow. Some of the flakes look like little hearts, and the big glob of snow looks like a backwards heart. Today I thought I had a photo already, but another thing caught my eye today. A chain of hearts! The dogs leash looks like the chain has hearts in it. The first new day of the year was going well until later in the evening, when I was hit with that damn pelvic pain again. So much for trying to go pain free this year. Feeling better today, but I was really hoping to make it further in the year with no pain. My body must have not got the damn memo.

Day 1: A New Year awaits...

 Crisp, clean and clear as the freshly fallen snow. New Years Day. A day where we start thinking of the future and what lies ahead. We wonder if it will be a good one. One that has no hardships, one where money isn't so tight, or maybe to just be happy, and healthy, one that has no tears, or sadness. A very optimistic day for sure! I know that I have hope for a happy year. Sure, things are going to come along, and make trouble throughout the year, you can never avoid trouble. But how we react to it is what will make it a happy year, or not. You have to create your own kind of happy. That is one thing that I did get out of 2016. I have said this quote before, and it is true, was one of the first quotes I made into digital art in January, 2016. "Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be a miserable cow." I was just a miserable cow the whole way through 2016, until just the very end. I kept to myself, and I really don't think a lot of people actually knew that I was struggling everyday. I might get in to that more later, but I want this to be a positive post instead. I am hopeful for 2017, and I just pray that it will lead me to where I need to be. So, Cheers to the New Year! May I take the path that has no trails, but leads me in the right direction. :)